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At uni there was a group of four girls in my halls known as “The Cat Book Shirt, Books and Cats T Shirt, Reading Shirt, Cat Lover, Gift for Cat Lover, Gift for Book Lovers, Book, Bookish Shirts“. They were slim, conventionally attractive, feminine, confident and very bubbly and the men were obsessed with them. And then there was… me, a shy, average build and not very feminine woman, and I was invisible. Some men seemed actively disgusted that I had the nerve to even exist in the same sphere as these godesses, while the nicer men would be flirty and shy with The Angels and talk to me like I was just One Of The Lads, a non-threatening, sexless being. I did wonder if I should starve myself, start wearing dresses, feign more stereotypically feminine interests etc but I just felt so ugly that it all seemed hopeless and I was doomed to be The Cat Book Shirt, Books and Cats T Shirt, Reading Shirt, Cat Lover, Gift for Cat Lover, Gift for Book Lovers, Book, Bookish Shirts forever. Now I’m in my 40s and a bit more confident. I’ve learned to embrace my non-femininity and I feel more comfortable than I ever did feeling exposed in dresses and struggling to walk in heels. I enjoy my nerdy, “masculine” hobbies and thought the female colleagues who judged me for buying an Xbox were the ones missing out. And I have a wonderful partner who has never tried to change me… I still have no body confidence and struggle with self-esteem but it has got better. I see these incel types who think all women have to do to get laid is exist and they don’t realise that a lot of us women are invisible to them and struggle just as much as they do, we just tend to blame ourselves while they blame women. I wish they could also see that teenage insecurities do get better and let go of some of Cat Book Shirt, Books and Cats T Shirt, Reading Shirt, Cat Lover, Gift for Cat Lover, Gift for Book Lovers, Book, Bookish Shirts
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